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Millions of Americans are overweight. It's an epidemic, and it shortens your lifespan significantly. There are literally thousands of products available which claim to help with weight loss - exercise routines, fad diets, gadgets, drugs that speed up your metabolism (basically speed but not restricted by the FDA). Yet, so many people fail to lose weight, or fall short of their goals.
Weight loss is so easy, I can guarantee results, and in less than one day!. The answer has been around for thousands of years, but people just haven't realized that they should apply it to weight loss - amputation! Have you ever thought how much weight you carry around in your digits, limbs, and other non-essential body parts? Have you ever been jealous of that guy who is paralyzed and lost both legs in a car accident and now his wife has to carry him from his wheelchair to the toilet every time he needs to pee? Can your wife pick you up like that?
Well, you too can drop those unwanted pounds. Having problems losing those last 5 pounds on those crazy diets? A few minutes of chopping, sawing, and cutting and you'll be an overachiever! Have an important wrestling match and want to drop a couple of weight classes? Simply amputate your left leg and you're on your way to the mat. Sports where weight is a real issue abound and athletes everywhere can benefit - jockeys, ballerinas, gymnasts, rock climbers, and many more!
As an added bonus, amputation can lead to infection and complications which could cause you to waste away due to sickness. It's not guaranteed, but your appetite may be reduced while you thrash in fevered sleep in the hospital. They might even be forced to offer you a second amputation for free if it spreads throughout your body. And don't forget qualifying for a handicapped placard! Think of the money you save on parking tickets and meters you can spend on those painkillers you become addicted to!